Bald

Well there goes my hair! It was slowly coming out and thinning, so on Wednesday Will shaved my head. I was surprised that I cried over this. It seems like such a dumb thing to be upset about. I was more emotional over this than I was about finding out I needed daily injections. I didn't even really like my hair to begin with.

Now that it's gone, it's not that bad. I was nervous to look in the mirror and I still get surprised sometimes when I see my reflection. In a strange way I feel stronger though. I feel like I've joined the army of people fighting and beating cancer all around the world.

I've got quite the collection of scarves, turbans and other head covers.I must say, I don't love them. I will obviously cover my head outside to protect it from the sun, but I have a feeling I will go bare more often than not when inside. Maybe I will grow to love my scarves, but right now it feels strange to wear them.

Other than my hair drama, this week has been really good. I didn't get to sick from the chemo, just tired. I was able to go out for dinner with some friends on Wednesday, which was so much fun. By Thursday, I felt back to normal again. Each round has been easier so far. I don't expect it to keep getting easier, but I sure hope it will stay like this.

Happy Canada Day weekend to everyone!

Just Another Day at Oncology

It hit me yesterday as I was walking with my iv cart to the washroom, how did this become normal? I shouldn't complain as the chemo is working and the side effects aren't that bad, but I am 29 years old, how in the heck has this become part of our lives. I'm hooked up to a bottle with a tube going into my chest and it doesn't bother Sophie at all. She wants to see it and kiss me on my owie and constantly asks what side she can't touch. A 3 year old should not be watching their mom get injections every day and asking to look at the bottle of medicine in the fanny pack.

Okay pity party over. The bright side is that the chemo IS working. 3 out of 4 of my liver enzymes are back in the normal range. The doc said that this would only happen if my liver was functioning properly. So those spots must be either shrinking or disappearing. My 4th enzyme (he told me which one, but I can't remember) is still high but is moving down. He was also very happy that even with the chemo I am feeling better than I have in ages. That is obviously a great sign. I will get a CT scan done after my next treatment. Looking forward to seeing how much progress we have made.

My weight also stayed the same. No weight gain in two weeks, but no weight loss either. I am holding steady at a whopping 123 lbs...As long as I am eating and have energy I can deal with the baggy clothes. My hair is still here too! It's short and gradually thinning,but I'm going to keep it for a bit longer.

I know I talk about food a lot, but some exciting things coming up. My sister made me some muffins with spelt flour and no sugar. What a treat to have a muffin again! We are also getting a dehydrator and Will is going to make some flax seed and sesame seed crackers....inspired from our trips to the raw vegan restaurants. Crackers with home made hummus:) I think we will also be able to make our yam and kale chips in it. Not to mention apple and banana chips and dried mango.

The plan for today is to sleep and eat and rest. Hopefully if I don't over do it I will be back to myself in a couple of days. Thanks again for all the prayers and thoughts. I know that all the positive energy is helping me get better.

The little things

This last week has been absolutely amazing. Nothing exciting has happened and there has been no big news. A few months ago, I would have taken this week for granted and not paid any attention to all the little things that make me happy.

I have my energy back. I have said it before, but having the "get up and go" is just so wonderful. I've been going for walks and got back out on the stand up paddle board. I've taken the kids out and about without someone else to help me. I've been cooking and cleaning. I've been being me.

Will worked full days this past week and I took care of the kids...just like how it used to be. I still had tons of help, as always, from the grandparents, but it was help that I wanted not needed. I was able to go to a friend's house for a playdate, come home and make lunch, do the nap time routine, get kids up from nap, play with them in the back yard....by myself. A week or two ago to attempt this, I would have had someone lined up to help with lunch and someone to come over as soon as the kids got up. It feels wonderful to be able to take care of myself and them again.

Those that know me well, know that I love food. I also have a big sweet tooth. With a bit of help from my sister, I mastered a crumble recipe this week. I made an apple one and one with rhubarb, apple and strawberries. They only have ingredients that I feel comfortable eating (fruit, quinoa flakes, coconut flour, coconut oil, cinnamon, nutmeg and a bit of stevia) and are sooo good. I have my appetite back and I am eating insane amounts of food. I'm sure it helps that we are getting better at making food that tastes good. Will made me some amazing coconut flour waffles the other day. YUMMY!! I even managed to make a really good ratatouille filled with lots of good veggies. I am eating nonstop these days, as I used to. The other day for lunch I ate a chicken breast with a tomato/veggie sauce, followed by a fried egg sandwich loaded with avocado, a banana, orange and two big bowls of rhubarb crumble.

I have also been completely blown away by what others have done and are doing for me. Each day I get multiple emails or messages from people telling me that they are thinking about me or praying for me. These mean so much. We are grateful for all the muffins, food, recipes and cards that we receive. A few local businesses have generously donated their services to us. I feel so loved and supported by everyone. I can't keep track of the number of prayer groups I have been added to. Thank you everyone, it is such a morale boost to know there are so many people behind me in this fight.

Will and I are in Squamish right now. We drove down to Vancouver yesterday for an appointment I had. It's been a great mini vacation so far. We found a raw vegan cafe in Hope to eat lunch in. If any of you go through Hope it's called Jungle Juice. I had a really good veggie sandwich on "bread" that was pretty much dehydrated seeds. The salads were also amazing. We had dinner at another really good healthy place called Organic Lives. The whole menu was vegan as well as gluten/refined sugar/soy and corn free. This morning Will went for a mountain bike ride and I went for a hike. The area is just beautiful and it felt so good to be out hiking.  I found a cafe here that also has lots of really good options for me. I am so excited that these types of places exist! I ate breakfast there, again soooo yummy and we will go back for lunch before driving home.

Tomorrow is round 3 of chemo. I need to get blood work done before hand, so please send me all you "good blood result" vibes and prayers. Once we get the results and they get the chemo started it is usually a pretty relaxed day...well for me anyways, the ativan does wonders:) 

Thanks again for thinking about me. 

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the dads and grandpas out there! I want to wish a very special day to three great father's in my life; my dad, my father-in law and my husband.

My dad is absolutely amazing. Since I was a little girl, we have enjoyed doing so many things together... hiking, skiing, scuba diving, bike riding, even yoga. He has always been happy and willing to do whatever I wanted to do. Growing up he was always available when I needed him. I can't count the number of times I have called him at work to do some type of favour for me. No matter how busy he was, he always did it. Since having kids, he has, not surprisingly, been a huge help. From the time that Sophie started eating solid foods, he has come over a few times a week to make her (and now her and Liam) dinner, feed and bathe them. I always look forward to this time as not only a break, but for a chance to have a visit. He has also, on multiple occasions, come over at 5 am and taken Sophie so that Will and I could sleep:) He is always a phone call away. I love you Dad and thank you for everything.

My father in law is an equally amazing man. Not only did he raise my husband to be who he is, but he is a great father-in law to me. I don't think there are that many women out there who can call up their father in law and ask them to go skiing or riding because I didn't want to go solo. He is always very patient, goes at my speed, and tries to give me tips on how to improve. He has also embraced the Grandpa role and is always available for grandparenting. Will and I can call him and ask him to watch the kids and regardless of what he had planned, he will be there. He is also a great photographer and thanks to him we have many albums, cds and videos filled with fantastic photos of everything from rock climbing to bbqs to Sophie and Liam playing. I am so lucky. Thanks Van!

Last, but not least, my husband. Sophie and Liam are so lucky to have Will as their daddy. From dance parties to playing catch, the kids always have so much fun with Will. Sophie has already figured out that she just has to say in a nice voice, "please daddy" and he will pretty much do anything for her. The smart little cookie that she is, has stopped asking me for things, and just goes straight to Daddy. Liam is a complete Daddy's boy. He just follows Will around constantly. If Will leaves the house without him, he gets so mad. When Will gets home from work and the kids run to the stairs and start giggling waiting for Daddy tickles, is one of the best parts of my day. He always puts the kids (and my) needs first, giving up bike rides to go to the park, or eating salmon every Monday because Sophie asked for it. When we got married, I knew he would be a great dad, but he has far exceeded what I imagined. I love you Will and thank you for being so great with our kids.

We are having a great day today. I'm sure I lost some wife points for staying in bed at 5:20 when Liam got up, but I think I earned them back when Sophie gave Will the father's day card her and Liam made. We took the kids to the park and then came home and played in the back yard. Will's out for a ride right now and then we are going out this afternoon to see friends, so it should be a good day.

On a medical note, I think the blood clot in my arm is gone. It's no longer swollen or painful. The injections aren't as bad as I thought. Will is quite good at giving them and Sophie has started taking part in the process. She holds my hand and sings me songs to distract me. I am still feeling fantastic. The last few days I have had  felt better and had more energy than I have in months. If the weather co-operates, Will and I are hoping to go for a bike ride tomorrow.

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. Thanks again to everyone for keeping me in their thoughts and prayers.

Happy

Wow do I feel good! I can hardly believe it. I must have had the stomach flu the last chemo round, as this week I was hardly nauseous...well not entirely true, but the little anti-nausea pills worked and I felt fine the rest of the day.

For those not on my facebook, we chopped my hair off. Sophie and Will cut it short and then Will buzzed it. I will leave it like this until it needs to be completely shaven. I was really glad to get this part over with. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It probably helps, that I don't really care about my hair. 99% of the time it was in a pony tail anyways. The worst part was sitting still while Sophie took the sharp scissors to my head. It was terrifying. We wanted a photo, so that meant that Will was out of reach. Luckily there were no injuries.

I was a bit tired Tuesday and Wednesday and had a couple of extra naps. By yesterday, I was bored, so my mom and I took the kids grocery shopping just for something to do. It sounds dumb, but being in Safeway, doing something productive and normal felt sooo good. I even managed to help out with the dishes a little bit at home this week. Today I just feel like me. Liam has learned how to climb onto the table, so I spent most of the morning chasing him around the house. There was no sitting on the couch like a blob:)

We had friends over for breakfast. Will attempted to make me coconut flour pancakes. I think the recipe was faulty...in any case, they tasted good and we had a nice visit. We then went to the pool and I actually got to go into the water this week! I was so proud of Sophie. She is getting to be a such a good little swimmer.

I've been getting the daily injections for my blood clot. The plan was that Will would do it, but I was a little bit hesitant about his needle giving skills. Luckily, my mother in law, who is also a nurse, was able to give them to me the first few days to ease me into it. Today I felt brave and let Will do it. He did a great job. The fact that he's done it and I know it's not that bad has removed a lot of stress from me. I still hate needles, but I am telling myself that it is 1 minute of discomfort for 24 hours of a great life. I am very thankful that we live in a place where medication like this is available to me.

I think I've rambled long enough. Thanks again to everyone for the messages, thoughts and prayers. A huge thanks to our families for all the help they are giving us. I don't know how we would be doing this without them.

Hope you all have a great weekend:)

Sunshine, Good News and Needles

So today was round #2of chemotherapy. I was much less nervous of the process and am not as worried about the side effects this time. However, I was really nervous that the blood work wouldn't be good.

Anyways, our marathon of a day started with blood work done at 8. After that Will and I went for a nice coffee and snack at the Bench. It was a beautiful morning to sit outside on the patio and enjoy the sunshine. We went for a little walk and had a really nice "date".

Back to the hospital we went. I was so excited to hear that my blood work was really good. My liver enzymes were a lot lower and the doctor seemed very happy about it. The fact that I am feeling better than I did before chemo and the fact that the blood work showed improvement is all very positive.

Despite my efforts to eat everything in site last week, my weight was down from 2 weeks ago. I think I must have lost a lot of weight during the first week of chemo and that I am on my way to gaining it back. I've picked up some healthy comfort food, so hopefully even if I lose my appetite this week I'll still be able to get enough calories in. It's very strange going your whole life trying not to gain weight and being happy when you lost a pound, to wanting to fit into your fat pants.

Oh and I almost forgot the exciting part. My arm has been bugging me for a few days. I didn't think much of it as I seem to get new and imaginary pains every day from the stress. But last night we noticed it was swollen. So we showed the doctor today, and he sent us for an ultrasound. Blood clot. No big deal, good thing they caught it. I was under the impression that a pill would fix this. But no, oh no. Because I'm on chemo, the regular drug doesn't work, so Will gets to give me a needle. Every day. In the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. I just hate needles. But I really don't want to get a blood clot and this will prevent that, so daily needles here we go!

Overall, the day was good. I'm happy we got the good news about my blood work first. It made the blood clot news a little easier to digest. A few days of rest and fanny pack wearing lay ahead for me. Sophie's last swim lesson is on Friday, and parents are allowed in, so my goal is to go swimming with her on Friday.

Thanks for all the well wishes, energy and prayers.

A Reason to Celebrate

My sister is getting married and tonight is her shower! I could not be happier for her.

My sister in law Lesley is hosting it and it will be great to see a lot of friends and family.

A few weeks ago, when we got the first chemo appointment, the first thing my sister did was look at a calendar. She was very excited and said, "My shower and wedding fall at the end of your chemo cycle". At the time, I didn't really care and couldn't see why that mattered. Now I get it. I feel great today and am certain I will have fun tonight.

Another happy point is that my hair is still here:) The nurse guessed about 2 weeks until I would start noticing it thinning. I'm sure it will happen any day, but I am pretty excited that I get to blow dry my hair tonight.

The last week I have been trying very hard to be grateful for feeling well. I was very excited when I made the kids lunch and cleaned up the dishes. It has been very nice to feel like "Mommy" again, not just the lady who sits on the couch and reads stories. I know I will get used to the cycle of feeling crummy and then feeling good again, but it is still all so new.

Thank you to everyone who made us muffins! Our freezer is now stocked:)

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Eating Well

I must say that eating cooked food again is so much fun!! I know some people swear by the raw food diet, but I don't think it is something I could keep up. Over the last week I have really enjoyed what I have been eating.

I am going to try and start eating more beans and lentils. We really have no idea what to do with them, so if anyone has a good recipe that they wouldn't mind passing on I would appreciate it.

I've been (well Will has been), putting Kale in my morning smoothie. It doesn't make it taste bad, but it definitely alters it. I was quite excited when we discovered that we could add it to my daily wheat grass juice. Now I get the Kale and the yummy smoothie:)

We just signed up for a weekly delivery box from Covert Farms. I'm guessing a lot of the stuff is what we would buy anyways, but hopefully there will be some new-to-us veggies in there that we (Will) can learn how to cook.

The best part this week has been adding back in some carbs. Wild rice, quinoa and spelt bread. I have never really been a toast fan, but the first day I added back in the bread, I had 5 pieces. I gave my self one "go nuts" day and now I am limiting it again. YUMMY spread with coconut oil. OOOh and a piece of 85% dark chocolate at the end of the day. Tons of good antioxidants and a tinsy bit of sugar. Sounds good to me!

I have also decided that every once in a while a bite of something won't hurt. We were given some muffins from "The Bench" and I will admit I had a small, well okay maybe a medium, bite of one. It obviously wasn't "good" for me, but the enjoyment I got out of it was worth it.

Okay, well that was a really long post on food I'm eating. You probably didn't need to know all that.

Week One of Chemo

Well my first week of chemo is over! It definitely had it's ups and downs. It wasn't as bad as I had feared. I was still able to leave the house each day, even if it just meant sitting on my in-laws couch and watching the kids play.

That being said, it wasn't fun. I had one horrendous day of nausea and vomiting. Although, we had a big birthday party here a few days earlier and a lot of the kids and parents ended up getting the flu. Sophie also "chunked" the next morning, so I'm hoping I had the flu:)

The rest of the week was just slowing getting more energy. I've been walking every day. I must thank my mom here....I call her around 7, sometimes waking her up, and ten minutes later she is dressed and out the door. Some of our walks only lasted about 10 minutes, but I was able to work myself back up to 30-40 minutes yesterday. It is really disheartening being exhausted after walking for 5 minutes, but I figure it's better to do that than nothing.

Yesterday, I felt fine, but ended up sleeping most of the day. I think in hindsight, I had done a lot of resting, but not enough sleeping during the week. I was so worried about being stuck in bed by myself during chemo, that I forced myself to sit on the bench at the park, watch the swim lessons, sit in my parents yard while the kids played and just be there. Next round I will try and take some more naps.

I have also added some food back into my diet. I am very glad that I did almost of a month of pretty much all raw fruit and veggies, protein smoothies, nuts, etc. However, during last week I had a hard time eating anything. There was no way I was going to be able to eat a big salad full of spinach and greens. We've added quinoa, wild rice, yams and some bread (spelt and brown rice made by my sister).   I've started eating some farm fresh eggs and the occasional salmon. We have also bought some lentils and beans and just need to figure out how to cook them! I will still try and make sure that a big portion of my diet is veggies and fruit, and I am by no means going to start eating cookies, chips,  peanut butter m&ms or licorice or any kind of "junk". Still healthy real food, just more of a variety. I need to put some fat back on my bones and my body needs the energy to get through this.

We constantly have people asking us if we need anything, if you are one of those people (Mom, Maura, Kristie and Lesley I'm not talking to you), and would like to help out, we could use some healthyish muffins for the kids. We have a had a few people drop off batches already, but we seem to be running low again. Other than that please just keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

I think that's about it. I really appreciate the messages I get from people. It really makes my day.  It just amazes me how many people out there are thinking of me.

Here's to a good week full of energy!