The kids and I had such a good day today. I hate saying that I had a "good day", because it seems to imply that some days are bad. I don't really have "bad" days. Some aren't as good as others, but in general they are all pretty fantastic. Usually the parts that aren't good, have more to do with kids being cranky than me having cancer.
I also hate saying that I'm tired. In my mind saying it means that I am tired and out of energy because of the cancer. When, in reality, sometimes you are just tired out from living life. A few months ago there were lots of times when I was tired due to the cancer, but those times seem to be few and far between now.
I guess where this post is going is that I don't want cancer to dictate what I do, how people think of me or act towards me.
The day after I got diagnosed, the oncology social worker met with us. She told us that at the start it would feel like there is a big neon sign with the word "cancer" flashing over our heads and that as time went on the sign would disappear and that cancer would just be a little package that we sometimes pay attention to. She was right. At the start everything revolved around the big "C". That's all we thought and talked about. What we did during the day was determined by how I was feeling and we never planned past tomorrow. Now, it's just a little annoying thing that we have to deal with from time to time. With the exception of 3 days during each chemo treatment, I feel great and have tons of energy and do what I want to do, not what I "can" do.
When I am with friends or family, cancer is not the main topic of conversation. It comes up sometimes, but there are way more fun and interesting things to discuss. Some days it doesn't come up at all, and I love it! I don't mind talking about it and am definitely not offended if someone asks about it, but I am much more than "someone with cancer".
I obviously just went off on a bit of a tangent. What I intended to write about was what a great day we had. Some family friends are in town visiting and it has been way too long since we have seen them. The kids that my sister and I used to babysit are now teenagers and they played with/looked after Sophie and Liam today. The day ended on a high note as well. As I was getting Sophie ready for bed she looked at me and said, "I had a fun day mommy. I love you". It doesn't get much better than that:)
Tuesday 28 August 2012
Friday 24 August 2012
Looking forward to fall
It's ironman week, which means that summer is almost over. I can't believe how quickly it went by. It always seems that come fall, no matter how much time we spent outdoors, it feels like we should have done more. Hopefully we will be able to get a couple more beach days in before the hot weather is gone.
We have a lot to look forward to come September. Sophie is starting preschool and ballet class. She is so excited for both of them. I can't believe my baby girl is big enough to do these things. I really think she will do great and have a blast. She is a bit nervous about going without me, but I'm pretty sure once she sees all her new friends she will be fine. She told me I could come visit, but I would need to wear indoor shoes and that I had to sit at the table when I was doing arts and crafts. At least she knows the rules:)
We are heading to the Shuswap for a weekend. I've driven through, but never stayed before. I am really looking forward to it. It will be nice to have a couple of family days with nothing to do. I'm hoping that we'll be able to spend some time at the beach and go for some nice walks.
Also, Will, my parents and I are going to Nova Scotia! It came up out of the blue, it wasn't even on the horizon. My mom and I have always wanted to go, so we are going!! Will's parents have agreed to take the kids for a week (thank you!). I am going to miss them like crazy, but it will be really great to spend some time with Will, my mom and dad.
Oh and I almost forgot, the mountain bike race/event that we are all doing. Hopefully I will get a chance to ride it again before the big day. Will, Sophie and I went to the bmx track the other day to "teach mommy how to ride a bike". After a little while, I was riding through the entire course, over all the bumps. I was pretty proud of myself, until I turned and saw Sophie riding everything too. How is my 3 year old better on a bike than I am?
This is completely unrelated, but I feel like I need to mention Liam. He figured out he could stick his finger into his nose today. He was so proud of himself and thought he was hilarious. How do you not laugh at the kid? As I was singing him his bedtime lullaby, he was laughing so hard with his finger in his nose. That boy is quite the character.
I'm still doing really well. I had chemo this week and everything went smoothly. I over did it a bit, which led to me feeling not so well on Wednesday, but I felt normal again yesterday. The scale keeps moving up and I don't feel ridiculously skinny anymore. I've done a few workouts and I don't feel as weak as I did a few months ago.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
We have a lot to look forward to come September. Sophie is starting preschool and ballet class. She is so excited for both of them. I can't believe my baby girl is big enough to do these things. I really think she will do great and have a blast. She is a bit nervous about going without me, but I'm pretty sure once she sees all her new friends she will be fine. She told me I could come visit, but I would need to wear indoor shoes and that I had to sit at the table when I was doing arts and crafts. At least she knows the rules:)
We are heading to the Shuswap for a weekend. I've driven through, but never stayed before. I am really looking forward to it. It will be nice to have a couple of family days with nothing to do. I'm hoping that we'll be able to spend some time at the beach and go for some nice walks.
Also, Will, my parents and I are going to Nova Scotia! It came up out of the blue, it wasn't even on the horizon. My mom and I have always wanted to go, so we are going!! Will's parents have agreed to take the kids for a week (thank you!). I am going to miss them like crazy, but it will be really great to spend some time with Will, my mom and dad.
Oh and I almost forgot, the mountain bike race/event that we are all doing. Hopefully I will get a chance to ride it again before the big day. Will, Sophie and I went to the bmx track the other day to "teach mommy how to ride a bike". After a little while, I was riding through the entire course, over all the bumps. I was pretty proud of myself, until I turned and saw Sophie riding everything too. How is my 3 year old better on a bike than I am?
This is completely unrelated, but I feel like I need to mention Liam. He figured out he could stick his finger into his nose today. He was so proud of himself and thought he was hilarious. How do you not laugh at the kid? As I was singing him his bedtime lullaby, he was laughing so hard with his finger in his nose. That boy is quite the character.
I'm still doing really well. I had chemo this week and everything went smoothly. I over did it a bit, which led to me feeling not so well on Wednesday, but I felt normal again yesterday. The scale keeps moving up and I don't feel ridiculously skinny anymore. I've done a few workouts and I don't feel as weak as I did a few months ago.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Sunday 19 August 2012
Food
As anyone who has read this blog knows, I have completely switched my diet over the past few months. I love talking to people about the food I'm eating because I believe it has made a huge difference in my health and love it every time someone tells me they are trying to eat better as well. I thought I'd share a few a my new favourite recipes.
Cabbage Salad: This is sooooo good but it has a lot of garlic. I crave this a lot and have made it as my bedtime snack. It lasts really well for a couple of days. I've used the purple and green cabbage and both taste good.
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/matts-garlic-salad/
Turmeric Tea: I had never heard of turmeric before, but apparently it is super good for you for all kinds of reasons. I was having a hard time using it frequently in cooking, but found this recipe for tea and now make it every night.
1 1/2 C water
1/2 cinnamon stick
1/3 of a nutmeg
3-4 cloves
a chunk of ginger
1tsp turmeric
Put everything in a small pot and bring to a boil and then let simmer about 10 mins. Pour through a tea strainer. Add milk and sweetener. I've used almond and coconut milk with it. I haven't added sweetener but I think agave nectar would tastes really good. I started by using ground spices (that's what we had) but it was really hard to strain. Using the whole ingredients is way easier. Warning: turmeric will turn your cloths yellow.
Yam Chips: So good and so easy! We use a mandolin to slice the yams. It took a couple tries to get it right, but when you do they have the same crispiness as real chips. Good alone or with a dip.
Thinly slice a yam or two. Place on a baking sheet, sprinkle some salt on. Bake at 200 for 45 mins, flip the chips over and bake about 30 mins more. Check to make sure they are crispy. If not let bake a little longer.
Breakfast Power Cereal: A friend sent me a care package that included a package of this. It was so good, that I have been making my own. I mix up a container and then leave it in the fridge so it's easy to make in the mornings.
I don't know what the ratios are, but just mix it up to how you want.
Chia seeds
Hemp hearts
Pumpkin seeds
Dried fruit (it came with goji berries and cranberries. I am using goji berries and dried mango right now)
Heat 2/3 C of "milk" and add to 1/3 C of cereal. Let sit about 5 minutes and enjoy!
Rice Bowl: This may be my favourite. The whole family likes it, which makes it even better.
Bowl: Wild rice, grated carrots, grated beets, chopped spinach, chick peas, toasted almonds (we bake slivered almonds at 350 for 15 mins).
Dressing: In a blender combine:
1/4 C water
1/4C soya sauce
1/4 C apple cider vinegar
1 clove garlic
3/4 C olive oil
Eggplant and Chickpea curry: I went searching for eggplant recipes and found this one. It was pretty easy to make and tasted really good. If you are feeding more than 1 person you may need to make more. Between dinner and an after dinner snack I ate the whole thing:)
http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2011/01/eggplant-and-chickpea-curry.html
I even made the garam masala...now to figure out how to use the rest of it.
Syrup: A friend and I made some fancy raw crepes with "cream" filling. They were delicious and so was the syrup. I have been trying to find something to put on my coconut pancakes and I think this is it.
In a food processor put some fresh or thawed frozen rasberries and some agave nectar. I think I might try mangos next time.
That's probably enough for now. Hope everyone had a great weekend:)
Cabbage Salad: This is sooooo good but it has a lot of garlic. I crave this a lot and have made it as my bedtime snack. It lasts really well for a couple of days. I've used the purple and green cabbage and both taste good.
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/matts-garlic-salad/
Turmeric Tea: I had never heard of turmeric before, but apparently it is super good for you for all kinds of reasons. I was having a hard time using it frequently in cooking, but found this recipe for tea and now make it every night.
1 1/2 C water
1/2 cinnamon stick
1/3 of a nutmeg
3-4 cloves
a chunk of ginger
1tsp turmeric
Put everything in a small pot and bring to a boil and then let simmer about 10 mins. Pour through a tea strainer. Add milk and sweetener. I've used almond and coconut milk with it. I haven't added sweetener but I think agave nectar would tastes really good. I started by using ground spices (that's what we had) but it was really hard to strain. Using the whole ingredients is way easier. Warning: turmeric will turn your cloths yellow.
Yam Chips: So good and so easy! We use a mandolin to slice the yams. It took a couple tries to get it right, but when you do they have the same crispiness as real chips. Good alone or with a dip.
Thinly slice a yam or two. Place on a baking sheet, sprinkle some salt on. Bake at 200 for 45 mins, flip the chips over and bake about 30 mins more. Check to make sure they are crispy. If not let bake a little longer.
Breakfast Power Cereal: A friend sent me a care package that included a package of this. It was so good, that I have been making my own. I mix up a container and then leave it in the fridge so it's easy to make in the mornings.
I don't know what the ratios are, but just mix it up to how you want.
Chia seeds
Hemp hearts
Pumpkin seeds
Dried fruit (it came with goji berries and cranberries. I am using goji berries and dried mango right now)
Heat 2/3 C of "milk" and add to 1/3 C of cereal. Let sit about 5 minutes and enjoy!
Rice Bowl: This may be my favourite. The whole family likes it, which makes it even better.
Bowl: Wild rice, grated carrots, grated beets, chopped spinach, chick peas, toasted almonds (we bake slivered almonds at 350 for 15 mins).
Dressing: In a blender combine:
1/4 C water
1/4C soya sauce
1/4 C apple cider vinegar
1 clove garlic
3/4 C olive oil
Eggplant and Chickpea curry: I went searching for eggplant recipes and found this one. It was pretty easy to make and tasted really good. If you are feeding more than 1 person you may need to make more. Between dinner and an after dinner snack I ate the whole thing:)
http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2011/01/eggplant-and-chickpea-curry.html
I even made the garam masala...now to figure out how to use the rest of it.
Syrup: A friend and I made some fancy raw crepes with "cream" filling. They were delicious and so was the syrup. I have been trying to find something to put on my coconut pancakes and I think this is it.
In a food processor put some fresh or thawed frozen rasberries and some agave nectar. I think I might try mangos next time.
That's probably enough for now. Hope everyone had a great weekend:)
Tuesday 14 August 2012
Having Fun in the Dirt
I don't write as well as my wife, grateful pictures can tell a story.....
Will
Will
Sunday 12 August 2012
Hmmmm....
So I am full of ideas. Sometimes they are great and sometimes not so much. I'm hoping what I have planned for tomorrow is the former.
Last year, friends of ours put on a mountain bike race in Summerland. It's called the Test of Humanity and the purpose of the event is to raise money for Canadian Humanitarian. It's a 4 hour endurance ride, but there is also a beginner and kids category. Last year Will and my dad each did it the enduro event. They had a blast and the Test of Humanity raised a ton of money.
I didn't do it for two reasons. Mainly, because I have zero mountain biking skills and also because I didn't feel like taking the time to learn them. I am not exaggerating in my lack of skills. Will took me mtn biking when we first started dating. It ended in tears (mine) and my bike being carried (by him). He hasn't taken me on a real mountain bike ride since.
When registration started for this year's race, I decided to enter Sophie and myself. It was back in February and it seemed like a good idea. Mountain biking looks like fun and there's no reason I shouldn't be able to do it. Will was supportive and had a spring/summer training agenda laid out for me. We were going to continue road riding so I would be fit and then head to Silver Star and go on the really easy downhill trails so that I could get comfortable on the bike. After all of that we would try out the course. I haven't been on a bike in 3.5 months and we are riding the course tomorrow.
When I first got diagnosed with cancer, we considered the idea that I may still do the ride. I was non committal (is that a word?) either way. We still had time to go for a few rides and see how I felt out on a bike. We haven't ridden yet, not because I don't feel up to it, just because we don't have time. Between all the doctors appointments and rest (aka chemo) days, we chose to use all of our extra time to do stuff with the kids. A few weeks ago Will and I chatted about me possibly trying the Test again. The plan was to go for a road ride and if I felt ok riding, we would then plan to try out the course. We never went for that road ride.
Tomorrow at 6:30 am we are heading out to try it. I figure I might as well jump on a mountain bike and see what I can do. I am really really hoping that I will be able to ride more than I have to walk. My fitness level is pretty non existent. Besides walking, I haven't done anything since May. My mountain biking skills probably haven't improved since the last time I went. But, I am pretty determined. Hopefully that will be enough.
If tomorrow's ride isn't a complete disaster I'll take part in my first ever bike race in 6 weeks. The only catch is I need to do it in under 60 minutes. The beginners' race and kids' race start an hour apart and I want to watch Sophie. Maybe Nic and Shei will let me get a head start? Just joking, well sort of....
If anyone is interested in signing up for the race or making a donation, the website is www.testofhumanity.com
Last year, friends of ours put on a mountain bike race in Summerland. It's called the Test of Humanity and the purpose of the event is to raise money for Canadian Humanitarian. It's a 4 hour endurance ride, but there is also a beginner and kids category. Last year Will and my dad each did it the enduro event. They had a blast and the Test of Humanity raised a ton of money.
I didn't do it for two reasons. Mainly, because I have zero mountain biking skills and also because I didn't feel like taking the time to learn them. I am not exaggerating in my lack of skills. Will took me mtn biking when we first started dating. It ended in tears (mine) and my bike being carried (by him). He hasn't taken me on a real mountain bike ride since.
When registration started for this year's race, I decided to enter Sophie and myself. It was back in February and it seemed like a good idea. Mountain biking looks like fun and there's no reason I shouldn't be able to do it. Will was supportive and had a spring/summer training agenda laid out for me. We were going to continue road riding so I would be fit and then head to Silver Star and go on the really easy downhill trails so that I could get comfortable on the bike. After all of that we would try out the course. I haven't been on a bike in 3.5 months and we are riding the course tomorrow.
When I first got diagnosed with cancer, we considered the idea that I may still do the ride. I was non committal (is that a word?) either way. We still had time to go for a few rides and see how I felt out on a bike. We haven't ridden yet, not because I don't feel up to it, just because we don't have time. Between all the doctors appointments and rest (aka chemo) days, we chose to use all of our extra time to do stuff with the kids. A few weeks ago Will and I chatted about me possibly trying the Test again. The plan was to go for a road ride and if I felt ok riding, we would then plan to try out the course. We never went for that road ride.
Tomorrow at 6:30 am we are heading out to try it. I figure I might as well jump on a mountain bike and see what I can do. I am really really hoping that I will be able to ride more than I have to walk. My fitness level is pretty non existent. Besides walking, I haven't done anything since May. My mountain biking skills probably haven't improved since the last time I went. But, I am pretty determined. Hopefully that will be enough.
If tomorrow's ride isn't a complete disaster I'll take part in my first ever bike race in 6 weeks. The only catch is I need to do it in under 60 minutes. The beginners' race and kids' race start an hour apart and I want to watch Sophie. Maybe Nic and Shei will let me get a head start? Just joking, well sort of....
If anyone is interested in signing up for the race or making a donation, the website is www.testofhumanity.com
Monday 6 August 2012
Tomorrow Makes 6
I can't believe that tomorrow will be my 6th chemo treatment. That means that I started chemo 12 weeks ago and found out I had cancer 15 weeks ago. In some ways it has gone by so quickly, but on the other hand it all feels so normal now that I can't remember what life was like before this. I thought I'd share a few completely random things from the past few months.
-Taking off the band-aid hurts more than the actual needle/blood test.
-The vast majority of the people who work at Penticton Regional Hospital are amazing. We have met lots oncology nurses, doctors, radiology staff, lab techs, and pharmacists. We have been continually impressed by their caring, compassion, and dedication.
-I have eaten 3 entire eggplants this week. I know that is completely unrelated, but it's a lot of eggplant!
-I am still a terrible cook. I have no instincts on what spices to put in or how to cook something. I was trying to saute Swiss chard the other day, and although I've done this a few times, I still had to refer to a recipe.
-Will is a great cook and doesn't need recipes. Last week he was making me a salsa and tasted the pepper to decide how many he should put in. It was hotter than we thought. His mouth was on fire for the next hour. Poor guy!
-It is equal parts comforting and unsettling when I walk into the drug store and the pharmacist knows my name.
-The best part of chemo days are that I get to lay on the couch all the day (Oh how I used to wish for a day like this before this all started...a whole day to relax/nap and have someone bring me food)
-The worst part of the chemo days are that I have to lay on the couch all day... Daytime tv gets old really fast.
-Raw vegan food is better than it sounds. I still eat some cooked chicken and eggs, but you can have a tasty meal that doesn't involve cooking or meat. I think this was a bigger revelation to Will than me.
-Fanny packs may not be stylish but are very functional. I put one to use for a couple of days at the start of every second week right now.
-New hairstyle, or lack of hair has made my showering routine much faster. But it is annoying I still have to save my legs.
I hope everyone had a great long weekend.
-Taking off the band-aid hurts more than the actual needle/blood test.
-The vast majority of the people who work at Penticton Regional Hospital are amazing. We have met lots oncology nurses, doctors, radiology staff, lab techs, and pharmacists. We have been continually impressed by their caring, compassion, and dedication.
-I have eaten 3 entire eggplants this week. I know that is completely unrelated, but it's a lot of eggplant!
-I am still a terrible cook. I have no instincts on what spices to put in or how to cook something. I was trying to saute Swiss chard the other day, and although I've done this a few times, I still had to refer to a recipe.
-Will is a great cook and doesn't need recipes. Last week he was making me a salsa and tasted the pepper to decide how many he should put in. It was hotter than we thought. His mouth was on fire for the next hour. Poor guy!
-It is equal parts comforting and unsettling when I walk into the drug store and the pharmacist knows my name.
-The best part of chemo days are that I get to lay on the couch all the day (Oh how I used to wish for a day like this before this all started...a whole day to relax/nap and have someone bring me food)
-The worst part of the chemo days are that I have to lay on the couch all day... Daytime tv gets old really fast.
-Raw vegan food is better than it sounds. I still eat some cooked chicken and eggs, but you can have a tasty meal that doesn't involve cooking or meat. I think this was a bigger revelation to Will than me.
-Fanny packs may not be stylish but are very functional. I put one to use for a couple of days at the start of every second week right now.
-New hairstyle, or lack of hair has made my showering routine much faster. But it is annoying I still have to save my legs.
I hope everyone had a great long weekend.
Wednesday 1 August 2012
Magic Wand
Sophie was at a birthday party on the weekend and was given a wand to take home. She has decided it is magic. She does magic on her dolls and sleeps with it so she can do magic in her sleep. The other day as Will was giving me my daily injection, she pointed the wand at my stomach. I asked what she was doing and she said she was making my belly all better. It made me tear up and I hated to disappoint her when she asked, "Is your belly better now? Did my magic wand fix it?"
If only it were that easy. Although I would love to wave a wand and be declared healthy again, in a weird way I am grateful for the cancer. I have learned so much over the past few months, mostly to appreciate all the wonderful things that happen on a daily basis. Overall I am happier and more content with life than I was pre-diagnosis. The small things don't bother me as much anymore and I find that I really don't stress out about things anymore...well except for results of medical tests, but I think that's unavoidable.
Due to my change in diet, my family eats healthier. My kids will grow up eating less processed stuff and more fruits of veggies because of this. I am guessing there aren't a ton of toddlers out there that get excited when I bring home seaweed for a special treat or that drink wheat grass/kale juice on a daily basis. They are also going to grow up with a Mommy and Daddy who cherish and are grateful for every milestone we get to go through. From the first day of preschool to highschool graduation and everything in between, I will be thankful to be a part of it.
At the end of everyday, I go through in my head all the things I am grateful for. The list is huge. Each day is another accumulation of great moments. It sounds so corny and I'm sure some people think I am just saying it, but I would not change anything. There is no other person I would rather be and no other life I would like to live. I think I am pretty darn lucky.
If only it were that easy. Although I would love to wave a wand and be declared healthy again, in a weird way I am grateful for the cancer. I have learned so much over the past few months, mostly to appreciate all the wonderful things that happen on a daily basis. Overall I am happier and more content with life than I was pre-diagnosis. The small things don't bother me as much anymore and I find that I really don't stress out about things anymore...well except for results of medical tests, but I think that's unavoidable.
Due to my change in diet, my family eats healthier. My kids will grow up eating less processed stuff and more fruits of veggies because of this. I am guessing there aren't a ton of toddlers out there that get excited when I bring home seaweed for a special treat or that drink wheat grass/kale juice on a daily basis. They are also going to grow up with a Mommy and Daddy who cherish and are grateful for every milestone we get to go through. From the first day of preschool to highschool graduation and everything in between, I will be thankful to be a part of it.
At the end of everyday, I go through in my head all the things I am grateful for. The list is huge. Each day is another accumulation of great moments. It sounds so corny and I'm sure some people think I am just saying it, but I would not change anything. There is no other person I would rather be and no other life I would like to live. I think I am pretty darn lucky.
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