We are currently in Nova Scotia. We had a blast checking out Halifax yesterday and our looking forward to spending today in Lunenburg.
Wednesday 26 September 2012
Fun Fun and More Fun
This is going to be super short. Just wanted to say how much fun we all had at the Test of Humanity on Sunday. I rode the course way better than I had before and it was great to finish with my family there cheering for me. Sophie had a great race and rode 2km. She also had a blast playing on the kids stunt course. Will, Jonny and my dad also had great races.
We are currently in Nova Scotia. We had a blast checking out Halifax yesterday and our looking forward to spending today in Lunenburg.
We are currently in Nova Scotia. We had a blast checking out Halifax yesterday and our looking forward to spending today in Lunenburg.
Tuesday 18 September 2012
Test Results
Last week was a really stressful week for me, as I had to have 2 tests... and wait until yesterday for my results.
The first was a CEA or tumor marker. It was a blood test that I had done before I started treatments and this was the first time they had retested it. It's useful in that in can show growth or decrease but can't really be used to detect cancer or absence of cancer. Not everyone with colon cancer has an elevated CEA, but I did.
The second was another ct scan. This was my 3rd scan. The first scan was right when I was diagnosed and about 3 weeks before treatment started. The 2nd was after 4 chemo cycles. The 2nd showed no spread but also no decrease. We (the doctor included) believe that I got worse during the 3 weeks before treatment started and therefore the tumors actually had decreased, but just back to the starting point. We were really really hoping to see a decrease in this scan.
Yesterday, we went to oncology just after 8am for my blood work. My appointment with the doctor wasn't until 9:30. We could hear him talking in the other room and he actually came into the chemo room to talk to another patient. I was really hoping he was going to give me a thumbs up or an okay sign or something or even just tell me that I had good results. When he didn't, my heart sunk and I took it as a bad sign. In reality, he was just focused on another patient. That didn't help my anxiety though.
We returned for our appointment and after struggling with a bit on the scale (it wasn't working properly and showed that I had lost 10lbs in two weeks! Yikes! after a few attempts I was back to where I was 2 weeks ago) we were called into the office. The doctor came in, and bless his heart, the first thing he said was, "we have good results". Phew, huge sigh of relief.
My liver enzymes which are tested every cycle have been improving each time. 3 out of 4 have been normal for a while and now the 4th is in spitting distance. The upper limit for whatever the enzyme is called (you would think I would know by now) is 126 and mine is 129. So yay for a functioning liver again!!
My CEA is a 3 which is also pretty normal. (I googled afterwards and 2.5 is normal, so I'll happily take a 3). I'm not sure what it was when I started, but it was elevated. I asked the doctor what exactly this means. Cancer cells (I'm assuming some not all as not everyone with cancer has elevated CEA) secrete some type of hormone, enzyme, protein, I'm not sure what, that can be detected. Mine have obviously stopped secreting this! Which Will and I are taking to mean that the cells are weaker and not spreading. In case it is very positive and good news.
My scan was also good. The report only mentioned my liver and it said that the cancer had decreased. The doctor didn't tell us exactly how much and we didn't ask. He did say it wasn't a huge decrease, but that it was going in the right direction. The oncologist that we saw in Kelowna, also emailed about the results and said he was very happy to see a decrease. There was no mention of the tumor in my colon, but as I've said before, as long as it's not blocking my bowel movements, it doesn't really matter. The doctor did say that it would be really odd for one part of my cancer to decrease and not the other, so the tumor has most likely decreased as well. We will do another scan after 4 more cycles.
When we started this they said 12 cycles and re-evaluate. Yesterday was cycle 9. Will asked what would happen after 12 and the doctor told us we would just keep on going with the chemo. My body is tolerating it well and it is working so there is no reason to stop. He said I could be on a chemo for a long time. At first I was a bit shocked. I was kind of looking forward to being done with this. But I am really happy we don't have to take a couple months off to let my body recover before starting again. I would be so nervous about the cancer growing in that time period. I am much happier to keep doing the chemo and know that we are winning. The other good thing is at least we know what our life will look like for the next year? more? less?. Every other Monday I'll get my chemo and by Thursday life will be grand again. I can plan activities, think about when we'll be at Apex, think about more family trips, and just not have the unknown hanging above us.
It took me most of yesterday to absorb all the information and really be happy about it. I was so nervous going in, that I think I built a big shell up to protect me from the results. As each little nugget of good news sunk in though, I just got happier and happier.
The first was a CEA or tumor marker. It was a blood test that I had done before I started treatments and this was the first time they had retested it. It's useful in that in can show growth or decrease but can't really be used to detect cancer or absence of cancer. Not everyone with colon cancer has an elevated CEA, but I did.
The second was another ct scan. This was my 3rd scan. The first scan was right when I was diagnosed and about 3 weeks before treatment started. The 2nd was after 4 chemo cycles. The 2nd showed no spread but also no decrease. We (the doctor included) believe that I got worse during the 3 weeks before treatment started and therefore the tumors actually had decreased, but just back to the starting point. We were really really hoping to see a decrease in this scan.
Yesterday, we went to oncology just after 8am for my blood work. My appointment with the doctor wasn't until 9:30. We could hear him talking in the other room and he actually came into the chemo room to talk to another patient. I was really hoping he was going to give me a thumbs up or an okay sign or something or even just tell me that I had good results. When he didn't, my heart sunk and I took it as a bad sign. In reality, he was just focused on another patient. That didn't help my anxiety though.
We returned for our appointment and after struggling with a bit on the scale (it wasn't working properly and showed that I had lost 10lbs in two weeks! Yikes! after a few attempts I was back to where I was 2 weeks ago) we were called into the office. The doctor came in, and bless his heart, the first thing he said was, "we have good results". Phew, huge sigh of relief.
My liver enzymes which are tested every cycle have been improving each time. 3 out of 4 have been normal for a while and now the 4th is in spitting distance. The upper limit for whatever the enzyme is called (you would think I would know by now) is 126 and mine is 129. So yay for a functioning liver again!!
My CEA is a 3 which is also pretty normal. (I googled afterwards and 2.5 is normal, so I'll happily take a 3). I'm not sure what it was when I started, but it was elevated. I asked the doctor what exactly this means. Cancer cells (I'm assuming some not all as not everyone with cancer has elevated CEA) secrete some type of hormone, enzyme, protein, I'm not sure what, that can be detected. Mine have obviously stopped secreting this! Which Will and I are taking to mean that the cells are weaker and not spreading. In case it is very positive and good news.
My scan was also good. The report only mentioned my liver and it said that the cancer had decreased. The doctor didn't tell us exactly how much and we didn't ask. He did say it wasn't a huge decrease, but that it was going in the right direction. The oncologist that we saw in Kelowna, also emailed about the results and said he was very happy to see a decrease. There was no mention of the tumor in my colon, but as I've said before, as long as it's not blocking my bowel movements, it doesn't really matter. The doctor did say that it would be really odd for one part of my cancer to decrease and not the other, so the tumor has most likely decreased as well. We will do another scan after 4 more cycles.
When we started this they said 12 cycles and re-evaluate. Yesterday was cycle 9. Will asked what would happen after 12 and the doctor told us we would just keep on going with the chemo. My body is tolerating it well and it is working so there is no reason to stop. He said I could be on a chemo for a long time. At first I was a bit shocked. I was kind of looking forward to being done with this. But I am really happy we don't have to take a couple months off to let my body recover before starting again. I would be so nervous about the cancer growing in that time period. I am much happier to keep doing the chemo and know that we are winning. The other good thing is at least we know what our life will look like for the next year? more? less?. Every other Monday I'll get my chemo and by Thursday life will be grand again. I can plan activities, think about when we'll be at Apex, think about more family trips, and just not have the unknown hanging above us.
It took me most of yesterday to absorb all the information and really be happy about it. I was so nervous going in, that I think I built a big shell up to protect me from the results. As each little nugget of good news sunk in though, I just got happier and happier.
Tuesday 11 September 2012
A Little Faith
Will and I were recently in Vancouver for a night. I was going down for an appointment so we turned it into a mini-holiday. We had a great dinner with friends and then the following morning went for a mountain bike ride. We rode a green/beginner trail called "Bobsled" on Fromme (in case any of you have ridden there before). As I was riding, I realized that mountain biking and having cancer have lots of similarities...although, mtn biking is definitely more fun!
Will had already ridden the trail and was confident in my ability to do it. The sign said only basic bike handling skills were necessary and that most people could do it. As nervous as I was, I knew that I was going to end up at the end of the trail in one piece (maybe slightly bruised, cut up and with a few scary experiences along the way). Just like I KNOW I am going to come out of this cancer journey okay. There will be some bumps along the way, and I won't like all of it, but in the end I will be okay.
Through the trail there were lots of corners and descents that I was terrified of. Will assured me that I just had to trust the bike and I would be fine. I didn't always believe him, but he was right. As long as I had faith and just went for it, I was able to do it. The parts I didn't get through, were when I let the fear get the better of me and I slowed down too much, stopped to think about it or decided against it and got off my bike.
This is the similarity I am talking about. In the last 4 months I have been faced with many scary things. All the tests, needles, treatments, appointments are pretty daunting to look at. I just need to put my head down and do it. It's when I stress about things that they become worse. I need to have faith in the doctors and their ability. I need confidence in what my mind and body and can do. I need to rely on all the support I am given to make the journey smoother. I just need to take each day, each bump, each switch back one at a time and I will get to the end. I will be tired and sore but it will be worth it.
Had someone told me last year that I would willingly lie on my couch to get a needle each day, have an iv attached to my chest for 48hours at a time, allow my blood to be taken on a regular basis, be able to go to the park while waiting for the results of a ct scan and generally live life while going through chemo, I would have thought they were nuts. When I look at the trails that experienced riders ride, I think how on earth could anybody possibly do that! But the truth is, you just can. You gain confidence along the way and realize what you are capable of. I believe I am a stronger person than I was 4 months ago and I will continue to get stronger so that I can overcome each obstacle I am faced with.
Will had already ridden the trail and was confident in my ability to do it. The sign said only basic bike handling skills were necessary and that most people could do it. As nervous as I was, I knew that I was going to end up at the end of the trail in one piece (maybe slightly bruised, cut up and with a few scary experiences along the way). Just like I KNOW I am going to come out of this cancer journey okay. There will be some bumps along the way, and I won't like all of it, but in the end I will be okay.
Through the trail there were lots of corners and descents that I was terrified of. Will assured me that I just had to trust the bike and I would be fine. I didn't always believe him, but he was right. As long as I had faith and just went for it, I was able to do it. The parts I didn't get through, were when I let the fear get the better of me and I slowed down too much, stopped to think about it or decided against it and got off my bike.
This is the similarity I am talking about. In the last 4 months I have been faced with many scary things. All the tests, needles, treatments, appointments are pretty daunting to look at. I just need to put my head down and do it. It's when I stress about things that they become worse. I need to have faith in the doctors and their ability. I need confidence in what my mind and body and can do. I need to rely on all the support I am given to make the journey smoother. I just need to take each day, each bump, each switch back one at a time and I will get to the end. I will be tired and sore but it will be worth it.
Had someone told me last year that I would willingly lie on my couch to get a needle each day, have an iv attached to my chest for 48hours at a time, allow my blood to be taken on a regular basis, be able to go to the park while waiting for the results of a ct scan and generally live life while going through chemo, I would have thought they were nuts. When I look at the trails that experienced riders ride, I think how on earth could anybody possibly do that! But the truth is, you just can. You gain confidence along the way and realize what you are capable of. I believe I am a stronger person than I was 4 months ago and I will continue to get stronger so that I can overcome each obstacle I am faced with.
Friday 7 September 2012
A Card
Sophie gave me the best ever card today. She loves making "cards", they are just plain paper with scribbles on them. Today, she proudly presented me with a card and said, "This is for you Mommy. It says your belly will be better soon Mama". She even put a big M on the card so I would know it was for me. How did I end up with the sweetest kid ever?
I finished up my 8th chemo cycle yesterday. Completely out of character for me, I did a little bit too much this week, so I was not quite back to 100% today. I'm sure I'll be there tomorrow though. The bright side is, even though it was a chemo week, I still got to lots of fun stuff!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
I finished up my 8th chemo cycle yesterday. Completely out of character for me, I did a little bit too much this week, so I was not quite back to 100% today. I'm sure I'll be there tomorrow though. The bright side is, even though it was a chemo week, I still got to lots of fun stuff!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Monday 3 September 2012
Emotions
I can't believe it is the end of Labour Day weekend. How did summer go by so quickly? We had a great weekend: beach, Will's bike race, picnic, friends, waterslides, mountain biking, going on the wave runner, paddle boarding. I don't think we could have fit in anything else. We are all exhausted!
This is a big week for us. Sophie is starting preschool! (Dance and swimming start next week. We are going to be busy!!). I'm pretty sure that the start of preschool would have been really emotional for me regardless, but add in all the extra feelings because of the cancer, and I think it is going to be really hard.
I get to go with her this week as part of a gradual entry. I will have to go with my chemo bottle in my fanny pack. I don't go out a lot while my chemo is hooked up, mainly because I don't have energy, but also because it looks odd. I really wish the days would have worked differently, as I don't want to stand out from all the other moms taking their kids to preschool. The day will be all about Sophie, I'm just not very pleased that I am going to have the tubes reminding me that my life is so very different right now than I ever imagined. Will has offered to go in my place, but there is no way I am going to miss this.
We took Sophie shopping today to get her a backpack and a first day of school outfit. Her criteria for her outfit was, "I don't want anything too ugly, or too small or too big. Okay?". We decided to let her pick out whatever she wanted. She had so much fun choosing her bag and looking through the clothing. It wasn't what I would have chosen, but I think it's pretty special that she picked it out. She is so excited!
I will miss Sophie while she's in school, but I am really looking forward to spending one on one time with Liam. My little dude is growing so quickly. He is learning new words every day and is getting really good at communicating. He is such a character. His favourite game right now is putting a shiny gold purse around his neck and then going "bye bye". It is so cute. He also loves putting on Sophie's bracelets and rings. I love that he doesn't know that boys aren't meant to do these things. I wonder if he'll try to steal Sophie's tutu?
I'm really grateful I had such a busy and fun weekend as tomorrow will be very long and boring. I love chemo because it's making me better, but I really don't enjoy getting it.
Happy end of summer holidays to everyone!
This is a big week for us. Sophie is starting preschool! (Dance and swimming start next week. We are going to be busy!!). I'm pretty sure that the start of preschool would have been really emotional for me regardless, but add in all the extra feelings because of the cancer, and I think it is going to be really hard.
I get to go with her this week as part of a gradual entry. I will have to go with my chemo bottle in my fanny pack. I don't go out a lot while my chemo is hooked up, mainly because I don't have energy, but also because it looks odd. I really wish the days would have worked differently, as I don't want to stand out from all the other moms taking their kids to preschool. The day will be all about Sophie, I'm just not very pleased that I am going to have the tubes reminding me that my life is so very different right now than I ever imagined. Will has offered to go in my place, but there is no way I am going to miss this.
We took Sophie shopping today to get her a backpack and a first day of school outfit. Her criteria for her outfit was, "I don't want anything too ugly, or too small or too big. Okay?". We decided to let her pick out whatever she wanted. She had so much fun choosing her bag and looking through the clothing. It wasn't what I would have chosen, but I think it's pretty special that she picked it out. She is so excited!
I will miss Sophie while she's in school, but I am really looking forward to spending one on one time with Liam. My little dude is growing so quickly. He is learning new words every day and is getting really good at communicating. He is such a character. His favourite game right now is putting a shiny gold purse around his neck and then going "bye bye". It is so cute. He also loves putting on Sophie's bracelets and rings. I love that he doesn't know that boys aren't meant to do these things. I wonder if he'll try to steal Sophie's tutu?
I'm really grateful I had such a busy and fun weekend as tomorrow will be very long and boring. I love chemo because it's making me better, but I really don't enjoy getting it.
Happy end of summer holidays to everyone!
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