I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a wig. I haven't quite decided on it, but I think I will get one. At the beginning, I was positive that I would not wear a wig. I'm not big on hair to begin with, mine was always in a ponytail. I also thought (and maybe I am right) that they would be itchy or uncomfortable. I just didn't see the point in them, but I am coming around to the idea.
It's a very strange feeling knowing that everyone around you, even total strangers know you have cancer. I don't feel sick, and I am used to having no hair, so quite often I forget about my situation. We just got home from a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. At the waterpark, I was having a blast playing with the kids and I felt like every other mom there chasing after the little ones. Then I started wondering what everyone thought when they saw me. They would have noticed obviously that I was bald, and I would assume that they jumped to cancer. Did they feel pity for me? Were they impressed that I seemed active and normal? Did they think I was finished chemo and just waiting for the hair to grow back? Maybe they were so busy with their own lives that they never even thought about it.
I didn't realize that this was bothering me. I haven't had people stare or bring it up, so it didn't really seem an issue. (Total aside- two adults actually have asked me about it. One lady said, "what cause did you shave your head for? Is it a fundraiser?" I responded with the truth, "Cancer, I'm going through chemotherapy" Another man asked, "So is your head a fashion statement or....?" I replied with, "Ya, the second"). It wasn't until recently when it was raining and cold and I was wearing a tuque, along with everyone else, that I realized how nice it felt to fit in. When I was talking to another mom at the playground, she would have had no reason to give me a second thought. I really enjoyed not thinking about what other people were thinking.
If and when I do get a wig, I don't think I will wear it on a daily basis. If I am with friends and family, it would just seem silly. I do think, however, that it would be fun to wear to the grocery store or out for dinner or running errands. I finally feel happy with my body again, I don't feel stick thin and my clothes fit, so I think with a wig I would feel that I looked "normal". There's a picture of me from just before my hair came out. I was so skinny and my face looked gaunt. Even though I had hair, I looked sick. That wouldn't be the case now.
Anyways, enough of that. As I said, we were just away for a few days and we had a really good time. Will and I are exhausted though. Travelling with kids is not a vacation:) I feel good mentally and physically right now. Back to chemo for #12 on Monday. Happy weekend everyone!
Friday 26 October 2012
Wednesday 17 October 2012
Ups and Downs
Before I start, I just want to say that I'm not trying to complain. I know not every single day can be fun and that there has to be some down days. Everyone has days when they're not 100%, I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself right now.
Let's start with the fun stuff though! On Sunday we went to Kelowna to watch Will do a cyclo cross race. For the non-cyclists, cyclo cross is really fun to watch. The races are less than an hour, and the riders have to ride through some pretty weird stuff and normally jump off their bikes and carry them through some barriers. Anyways, my dad came with us (thank you!) and the kids had their bikes so we pretty much chased them around. It was lots of fun. Afterwards, we drove to Wild Play, it's an outdoor adventure park with ziplines and other adrenaline type things. We had a pass to do the primal swing (Thanks Susie and Dean!). I was imagining a really high swing. I though we'd climb up a ladder or something. I didn't realize we would be 250 ft about ground!! It was sooo scary. I screamed the entire time. Once I was safely back on ground I was pretty happy and glad I did it. I'm not sure if Will had more fun swinging or watching me. It was a great day all around.
Now for the less fun stuff. Chemo was Monday. Bloodwork, doctor appointment went fine. We had a bit of time before heading back to the hospital so I stopped in to see my sister and got a fabulous pedicure. Definitely the highlight of my day. For whatever reason, the chemo made me a bit more nauseous than usual. Part way through they convinced me to get another shot of something. It did help. Later that night though I really didn't feel very well. Yesterday was another down day. I slept for a few hours in the morning and I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I was really hoping that I would feel better today. The kids really wanted to go for a bike ride so we got them ready and I was planning on going as well, but by the time everyone was dressed I was tuckered out. So I'm sitting on the couch, while my family is out having fun. I hate having to miss out on things like this:(
I know this was just a rough cycle. I have to keep in mind that this isn't as bad as I imagined chemo would be. I know I will feel better tomorrow and probably the next one won't be so bad. It just really really sucks sometimes. On the bright side, it's days like this that make me appreciate all my other great days that much more.
Well that feels a little better. Always nice to vent! Hope everyone is having a good day.
Let's start with the fun stuff though! On Sunday we went to Kelowna to watch Will do a cyclo cross race. For the non-cyclists, cyclo cross is really fun to watch. The races are less than an hour, and the riders have to ride through some pretty weird stuff and normally jump off their bikes and carry them through some barriers. Anyways, my dad came with us (thank you!) and the kids had their bikes so we pretty much chased them around. It was lots of fun. Afterwards, we drove to Wild Play, it's an outdoor adventure park with ziplines and other adrenaline type things. We had a pass to do the primal swing (Thanks Susie and Dean!). I was imagining a really high swing. I though we'd climb up a ladder or something. I didn't realize we would be 250 ft about ground!! It was sooo scary. I screamed the entire time. Once I was safely back on ground I was pretty happy and glad I did it. I'm not sure if Will had more fun swinging or watching me. It was a great day all around.
Now for the less fun stuff. Chemo was Monday. Bloodwork, doctor appointment went fine. We had a bit of time before heading back to the hospital so I stopped in to see my sister and got a fabulous pedicure. Definitely the highlight of my day. For whatever reason, the chemo made me a bit more nauseous than usual. Part way through they convinced me to get another shot of something. It did help. Later that night though I really didn't feel very well. Yesterday was another down day. I slept for a few hours in the morning and I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I was really hoping that I would feel better today. The kids really wanted to go for a bike ride so we got them ready and I was planning on going as well, but by the time everyone was dressed I was tuckered out. So I'm sitting on the couch, while my family is out having fun. I hate having to miss out on things like this:(
I know this was just a rough cycle. I have to keep in mind that this isn't as bad as I imagined chemo would be. I know I will feel better tomorrow and probably the next one won't be so bad. It just really really sucks sometimes. On the bright side, it's days like this that make me appreciate all my other great days that much more.
Well that feels a little better. Always nice to vent! Hope everyone is having a good day.
Friday 12 October 2012
It's been awhile
Hello again. I apologize for not updating this in so long. A few people got in touch asking if everything was okay, and yes, I am fine. We were away for a week and then I think I just got out of the habit. So anyways, here is a quick update...
We spent six days in Nova Scotia with my parents and no kids. We had a fantastic trip. The weather was gorgeous and we all had a really nice time away. We spent a day in Halifax, a few days in Lunenburg, and one day in the Annapolis Valley before heading back to Halifax. I thought I was going to miss the kids way more than I did. They had a great time with Nama and Pa and didn't seem to be too affected by us being home.
We came home on a Sunday afternoon and the next morning was a chemo day. It's always hard to come back to real life after vacation, but I must say that getting home and heading straight to oncology was really not a lot of fun. The treatment went well though. We didn't see a doctor so I don't have any new info, but I recovered really quickly from it. The Tuesday is normally my worst day, but I was able to spend the morning with Sophie's preschool and volunteer for her field trip...although the teachers were awesome and on the walk back one teacher piggy backed a whiny and tired Sophie so I didn't have to carry her.
We had a nice Thanksgiving dinner with our family. I'm only a little bit jealous that some of them are in Hawaii right now:) Liam got a bike which he is loving. It is so much fun to take both kids out for a bike ride. Sophie is being a great big sister and rides ahead for a bit and then loops back to find Liam.
I am still feeling really well and am continuing to put on weight. We went for a road ride this week. It was my first time out since getting diagnosed. The day before we found out, Will gave me some really pretty purple bike shoes, so I was really happy to be able to wear them before the season was over.
I really really really appreciate all of you that think of me and pray for me and send me positive thoughts. I will make sure to update this more often. Hope everyone is doing well.
We spent six days in Nova Scotia with my parents and no kids. We had a fantastic trip. The weather was gorgeous and we all had a really nice time away. We spent a day in Halifax, a few days in Lunenburg, and one day in the Annapolis Valley before heading back to Halifax. I thought I was going to miss the kids way more than I did. They had a great time with Nama and Pa and didn't seem to be too affected by us being home.
We came home on a Sunday afternoon and the next morning was a chemo day. It's always hard to come back to real life after vacation, but I must say that getting home and heading straight to oncology was really not a lot of fun. The treatment went well though. We didn't see a doctor so I don't have any new info, but I recovered really quickly from it. The Tuesday is normally my worst day, but I was able to spend the morning with Sophie's preschool and volunteer for her field trip...although the teachers were awesome and on the walk back one teacher piggy backed a whiny and tired Sophie so I didn't have to carry her.
We had a nice Thanksgiving dinner with our family. I'm only a little bit jealous that some of them are in Hawaii right now:) Liam got a bike which he is loving. It is so much fun to take both kids out for a bike ride. Sophie is being a great big sister and rides ahead for a bit and then loops back to find Liam.
I am still feeling really well and am continuing to put on weight. We went for a road ride this week. It was my first time out since getting diagnosed. The day before we found out, Will gave me some really pretty purple bike shoes, so I was really happy to be able to wear them before the season was over.
I really really really appreciate all of you that think of me and pray for me and send me positive thoughts. I will make sure to update this more often. Hope everyone is doing well.
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