Impressions

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a wig. I haven't quite decided on it, but I think I will get one. At the beginning, I was positive that I would not wear a wig. I'm not big on hair to begin with, mine was always in a ponytail. I also thought (and maybe I am right) that they would be itchy or uncomfortable. I just didn't see the point in them, but I am coming around to the idea.

It's a very strange feeling knowing that everyone around you, even total strangers know you have cancer. I don't feel sick, and I am used to having no hair, so quite often I forget about my situation.  We just got home from a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. At the waterpark, I was having a blast playing with the kids and I felt like every other mom there chasing after the little ones. Then I started wondering what everyone thought when they saw me. They would have noticed obviously that I was bald, and I would assume that they jumped to cancer. Did they feel pity for me? Were they impressed that I seemed active and normal? Did they think I was finished chemo and just waiting for the hair to grow back? Maybe they were so busy with their own lives that they never even thought about it.

I didn't realize that this was bothering me. I haven't had people stare or bring it up, so it didn't really seem an issue. (Total aside- two adults actually have asked me about it. One lady said, "what cause did you shave your head for? Is it a fundraiser?" I responded with the truth, "Cancer, I'm going through chemotherapy" Another man asked, "So is your head a fashion statement or....?" I replied with, "Ya, the second"). It wasn't until recently when it was raining and cold and I was wearing a tuque, along with everyone else, that I realized how nice it felt to fit in. When I was talking to another mom at the playground, she would have had no reason to give me a second thought. I really enjoyed not thinking about what other people were thinking.

If and when I do get a wig, I don't think I will wear it on a daily basis. If I am with friends and family, it would just seem silly. I do think, however, that it would be fun to wear to the grocery store or out for dinner or running errands. I finally feel happy with my body again, I don't feel stick thin and my clothes fit, so I think with a wig I would feel that I looked "normal". There's a picture of me from just before my hair came out. I was so skinny and my face looked gaunt. Even though I had hair, I looked sick. That wouldn't be the case now.

Anyways, enough of that. As I said, we were just away for a few days and we had a really good time. Will and I are exhausted though. Travelling with kids is not a vacation:) I feel good mentally and physically right now. Back to chemo for #12 on Monday. Happy weekend everyone!