It's all about the kids

Today is another chemo day. It used to be on Mondays, so yesterday was like a "bonus day". It was great to be able to spend both of Will's days off doing family stuff. Our kids are at the stage where they really want to help. We raked leaves and they each had a little shovel and helped put the leaves in the bag. It was pretty cute. Sophie also wanted to help put up the Christmas lights. We put her in some warm clothes and she stood next to the ladder for a good hour while Will put the lights up. She was so proud of herself. Watching her face light up as we turned to lights on for her was awesome. I wonder how many years they will think helping us is fun?

My parents are taking the kids today while we are at oncology. We are so fortunate that between our parents there is always someone willing and wanting to take our kids. They also make a point of turning chemo days into really fun days for the kids. This makes me so happy. The kids really look forward to these days. Instead of missing us or being scared for Mommy, they are happy to go on an adventure. I think today they are going to Apex and then coming back for Sophie's swim lesson. As soon as they get home, Will's parents are coming over with dinner and to help feed/bath/get ready for bed. Pretty lucky kids to get to hang out with all 4 grandparents in the same day.
Hopefully today goes smoothly for Will and I. We don't see a doctor today, so it might make the day a little shorter. Maybe. We can dream:)
Thank you for your continued prayers, thoughts and messages.

This is Life

Life is pretty good right now. We have just finished a crazy busy fall of travelling. We had a good mix of family trips and time without the kids. We managed to incorporate some of Will's bike races and my appointments into them and were able to visit some good friends. We were so lucky to be able to go away as much as we did. It really helps get through the chemo days when there is something fun to look forward to. Each trip was fantastic, but I am happy to be home now.

Our family is really looking forward to winter and spending lots of time at Apex. Sophie has already started playing "pretend Apex". She puts on her pretend winter clothes and then goes skating and skiing around the house. She's a daredevil so I'm sure she is going to try and go fast on the downhill skis this year.

What we are most grateful now is that I am continuing to feel fantastic and the cancer is continuing to shrink. Because everything is going so well we are able to enjoy a normal life. We were just chatting about how amazed we were at the normalcy of our lives, given the circumstances. When I envisioned my life during chemo, it was much different. I thought I'd be bedridden and "sick". I don't know where I got that idea from, everyone I know who has or had cancer, continues to function and live well, so I don't know why I thought I wouldn't be able to. I guess I was just scared.

Obviously parts of it suck. I'm not going to lie and say that spending a day at oncology is fun. It's not. I wish I had hair. I wish my stomach wasn't covered in bruises from the daily injections. I wish I could make plans without having to consult the calendar to see if it's a chemo week.

But...I am grateful that Will is able to come to every single one of my appointments and take care of me and the kids when I'm not feeling well. I'm grateful that our families live close by and are so helpful and supportive. I'm grateful that we have an awesome doctor to take care of me and the most amazing nurses I have ever met. I'm grateful that I'm able to stay home and play with the kids everyday. I'm grateful for all the amazing people who have made our new life so much better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have stuff to complain about (so does everyone), but life wouldn't be much fun if that's what I focused on. I need to continue to put all my energy into the positive things and not waste time being upset by the not so great parts.

Exhale

Am I ever glad that appointment is over. As you know I had my ct scan a week ago. I could have made an appointment for last week to get the results, but I didn't. I really didn't want another appointment to go to. I thought that I would be nervous the morning of the appointment regardless of when it was. I was wrong. This was a really hard week for me to get through. Although I didn't feel "nervous" I was definitely grumpy and out of sorts.

I managed to get through this morning without getting too worked up. The worst part is the few minutes in the doctor's room before the doctor comes in. Will and I both let out a huge sigh of relief  when she said, "Good news on the scan". Everything else is kind  of a blur. She used technical language that I really didn't understand. We need a ct results for dummies explanation. But, the spots on my liver are continuing to shrink. YAY!!! It sounds like the tumor in my colon is unchanged.

Today is chemo treatment 13. They only book you for 12. They need to apply to get an extension for me. Apparently this won't be a problem, just a little hoop to jump through. As the doctor said, what we are doing is working, so we are just going to keep going.

The exciting news is we get to plan a family trip to Hawaii! We started planning this last winter, before I was diagnosed, and after the diagnosis we decided we still wanted to go. We had been waiting for this ct scan just to make sure that the schedule was staying the same and that'd I'd be good to go. I've been daydreaming about it for months, but I can't wait to actually pick dates and start booking it.

I still can't believe how relieved I am right now. We still need to go back to the hospital in a little bit for chemo. It will probably be a long day because of the long weekend. We have some shows downloaded on the laptop though, so it will make the time go by faster.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and sent me positive thoughts. Thanks for all the messages of support. I love getting those.

Happy Tuesday!

Calm

My ct scan is in 5 hours and I am surprisingly calm. I was expecting to wake up today wanting to throw up due to nerves.

I'm not excited for it. There are a lot of other things I'd rather do with my day, but I am not scared.

I am really looking forward to getting the results and a little reassurance that things are still moving in the right direction.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Maybe if I write that I'm not nervous, my calmness will continue throughout the day. Nerves are by far the worst part of this procedure, so if I can avoid it, it won't be bad.

I should probably get going and start paying attention to the kids. Who, by the way, are failing the time change. This morning was our best so far; 4:45 and 5:30.

In addition to praying/thinking positive things for me, could you also please include Henry Kuntze in your thoughts. He's a baby boy a little younger than Liam who is going through a surgical procedure and could use all the extra love we can send to him.

Happy Tuesday

Life

This week we finished up chemo #12! I can't believe it's been that many already. All of the people we used to see at oncology are no longer there. I'm not sure if they've switched days, or if their treatment is over or if they are taking a break. In any case, we're still there.

Sometimes it's a bit depressing to think that there is no end in sight yet. But if I look on the other side, every day the cancer is getting smaller and I am getting healthier. When I think about it like that, it's not so bad. Next week I will have another ct scan. I'm assuming the results will show more improvements. I'm not nervous about it yet, but I'm guessing when the appointment gets closer, I will be.

It's still surreal to look in the mirror and see my bald head and know that I have cancer. I don't feel sick at all. I probably have more energy now than I have since Sophie was born. (Combination of kids sleeping better, eating better and taking more time for myself). I am obviously very thankful that I feel so well, but it is still weird. How can I feel so great on Sunday and then have to go to chemo the next day? It's so hard to wrap my head around. It's also very strange that this is all so "normal" now. I will be making plans and then I hear myself say, "oh I have chemo that day" or "I can't sorry, ct scan", as if these were as ordinary as hair cuts and tire changes.

Although very strange, I am so glad that life is so normal now. 

We had a great Halloween. Sophie loved the trick or treating. Liam was pretty confused at first, but quickly caught on. We have a pretty low-key weekend planned, which will be a nice change for us.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Please think of me on Tuesday and send me as many "cancer shrinking" vibes as you can.

I just re-read this, and the writing is terrible. Sorry about all the grammar mistakes, but I don't have time to go back and fix it now.