Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! We had a fantastic Christmas! Sophie has been so excited all month, so it was really special to watch her open gifts and celebrate the day with family. On Christmas Eve, we had dinner at my parents house. We missed my sister and her husband, as they were at Everest base camp...I know, crazy! It was a nice night and the kids were in such great spirits. After we got the kids to bed, my parents came over to our place for a nice visit. True to form, Sophie and Liam woke us bright and early Christmas morning. Every single morning Sophie has to take purple dolly, a magic wand, and two books downstairs with her. She also insists on having slippers on. However, realizing that the quicker she got downstairs the sooner she got to see if Santa came, she declared, "I don't need to get my stuff organized on Christmas and I don't need to wear my slippers. Let's just go downstairs, okay mommy?" It was pretty cute. Gift opening was fun, although a little hectic. Liam was in a pretty bad mood (he was pretty much screaming the whole time). Afterwards was amazing though. They were so excited to play with their new stuff. Sophie is really into games right now, so we played her new pig game and go fish and did her puzzles. Liam gradually got happier. We then went to Will's parents for a nice brunch. I think Liam ate about 3 plates of pancakes. Even after he was done, he kept going back into the kitchen and helping himself to more. Little piggy! We came home and relaxed for a few hours and then headed to Will's sister's house for Christmas dinner. It was great. The kids had so much fun playing with each other and chasing each other around the house. The food was amazing and it was just a fantastic way to end the day.

The week before Christmas the kids got really sick. Sophie ended up living on the couch for about 5 days. And then Liam got it. They were up multiple times each night. It was no fun. Because of the sick kids, we weren't able to do a few things we traditionally do each year. (Santa pictures, decorate cookies, make a homemade gift for Will, family picture in front of the tree). I mean we could have done them, but it would have been zero fun, both kids would have been screaming and coughing and throwing up and I would have been super stressed. At first it really bothered me, but then I realized it doesn't really matter. Who cares if we are missing a Santa picture from this year? We still did lots of fun holiday things and we will continue to do lots of great stuff all winter.

Today the kids and I are having a relaxing day at home. Hopefully we will be able to put some stuff away and get the house somewhat back in order. My aunt is going to come by for a visit later and then tonight Will and I are going on a date! We get to spend tons of time together, but most of it revolves around appointments, so it will be nice to get out.

I had to go get blood work done today and then chemo tomorrow. At one point it looked like I was going to be getting my chemo on the 24th so I am very grateful that the date changed and I was able to really enjoy Christmas.

I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

A little hiccup

So I had chemo yesterday and completely overreacted to something. It has taken me until today to completely calm down, which is really silly, because it wasn't a big deal at all. We go into oncology early to get my blood drawn. It then gets sent to the lab "stat" so that it will be done in time for me to see the doctor and have treatment. The nurse got me all hooked up and then I could tell something wasn't right. I don't watch what she's doing, but it seemed like something was different. She then told me that she couldn't draw any blood. I got a huge pit in my stomach and started crying. She explained that this happens with port-a-caths and that it is really common and not a big deal. My choices were have something injected into it so that it would clear (this would take an hour and make me late for my doctors appointment and treatment) or I could get my blood drawn the old fashioned way from the lab. I choose the lab, because that seemed the 'easiest'. As much as I hate extra needles, I'm not doing anything to jeopardize not getting my chemo. Luckily we saw a tech who we know and she was very fast and it was pretty painless. After, we went back to oncology were I had the injection to clear out my port. Everything is back to working order.

The doctor's appointment went fine, all my blood work is still looking good. I somehow managed to drop a couple of pounds though. I think becasue my weight had stabilized, I stopped actively trying to gain weight. Oops. Back on the eating as much fat and calories as possible diet. I'm guessing if I stopped with all the clean eating and started eating Christmas goodies I would gain it back pretty fast, but I think that would cause me more harm than good. I'm pretty confident I'll gain it back by my next appointment. I have just found a recipe for raw, sugarless, nanaimo bars that looks pretty good. I think that might help.

Yesterday completely exhausted me. It was a really busy day in oncology so we didn't get home until almost 6pm! The stress of the blood test really took a toll on me as well. I had a good sleep last night though and am feeling really well today. We put up and decorated our tree and made some Christmas puppets. Sophie and I put on a puppet show for Will and Liam. It was quite entertaining.

Tomorrow should be interesting....Will is removing my port-a-cath for me. I have total confidence in him, but  I am still a little nervous. Wish us luck!

Ski Season

I want to start by thanking you for reading my blog over the past 6 months. It really has made me feel like I have a ton of support out there. I also want to say that I won't be offended if you stop reading it. I haven't updated it as much recently because I don't know what to write about. I find myself mostly writing about the kids and what I did on the weekend. So anyways, if you stop checking the blog, I won't be mad.

Ski season is officially here! I am sitting on the couch at Apex, watching the snow fall. I love winter! My dad and I went for a xc ski on the weekend and Sophie and I have done a few runs of the bunny hill. I am hoping to take her on the grandfather's trail this weekend.

I am going to learn how to skate better this winter. Sophie is really keen, so we got her a push bar and Will and I bought ourselves skates. I am so excited to do the loop with her this winter. The zamboni was out today and they are hoping by the weekend the rink and loop will be open. I'm just not sure what we will do with Liam? Hopefully we can pull him around in the sled. I think he is going to hate watching his big sis ski and skate, and not be able to join her.

Last but not least, there will be a lot of tobogganing! Our kids love it.

Hope everyone is doing well!

It's all about the kids

Today is another chemo day. It used to be on Mondays, so yesterday was like a "bonus day". It was great to be able to spend both of Will's days off doing family stuff. Our kids are at the stage where they really want to help. We raked leaves and they each had a little shovel and helped put the leaves in the bag. It was pretty cute. Sophie also wanted to help put up the Christmas lights. We put her in some warm clothes and she stood next to the ladder for a good hour while Will put the lights up. She was so proud of herself. Watching her face light up as we turned to lights on for her was awesome. I wonder how many years they will think helping us is fun?

My parents are taking the kids today while we are at oncology. We are so fortunate that between our parents there is always someone willing and wanting to take our kids. They also make a point of turning chemo days into really fun days for the kids. This makes me so happy. The kids really look forward to these days. Instead of missing us or being scared for Mommy, they are happy to go on an adventure. I think today they are going to Apex and then coming back for Sophie's swim lesson. As soon as they get home, Will's parents are coming over with dinner and to help feed/bath/get ready for bed. Pretty lucky kids to get to hang out with all 4 grandparents in the same day.
Hopefully today goes smoothly for Will and I. We don't see a doctor today, so it might make the day a little shorter. Maybe. We can dream:)
Thank you for your continued prayers, thoughts and messages.

This is Life

Life is pretty good right now. We have just finished a crazy busy fall of travelling. We had a good mix of family trips and time without the kids. We managed to incorporate some of Will's bike races and my appointments into them and were able to visit some good friends. We were so lucky to be able to go away as much as we did. It really helps get through the chemo days when there is something fun to look forward to. Each trip was fantastic, but I am happy to be home now.

Our family is really looking forward to winter and spending lots of time at Apex. Sophie has already started playing "pretend Apex". She puts on her pretend winter clothes and then goes skating and skiing around the house. She's a daredevil so I'm sure she is going to try and go fast on the downhill skis this year.

What we are most grateful now is that I am continuing to feel fantastic and the cancer is continuing to shrink. Because everything is going so well we are able to enjoy a normal life. We were just chatting about how amazed we were at the normalcy of our lives, given the circumstances. When I envisioned my life during chemo, it was much different. I thought I'd be bedridden and "sick". I don't know where I got that idea from, everyone I know who has or had cancer, continues to function and live well, so I don't know why I thought I wouldn't be able to. I guess I was just scared.

Obviously parts of it suck. I'm not going to lie and say that spending a day at oncology is fun. It's not. I wish I had hair. I wish my stomach wasn't covered in bruises from the daily injections. I wish I could make plans without having to consult the calendar to see if it's a chemo week.

But...I am grateful that Will is able to come to every single one of my appointments and take care of me and the kids when I'm not feeling well. I'm grateful that our families live close by and are so helpful and supportive. I'm grateful that we have an awesome doctor to take care of me and the most amazing nurses I have ever met. I'm grateful that I'm able to stay home and play with the kids everyday. I'm grateful for all the amazing people who have made our new life so much better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have stuff to complain about (so does everyone), but life wouldn't be much fun if that's what I focused on. I need to continue to put all my energy into the positive things and not waste time being upset by the not so great parts.

Exhale

Am I ever glad that appointment is over. As you know I had my ct scan a week ago. I could have made an appointment for last week to get the results, but I didn't. I really didn't want another appointment to go to. I thought that I would be nervous the morning of the appointment regardless of when it was. I was wrong. This was a really hard week for me to get through. Although I didn't feel "nervous" I was definitely grumpy and out of sorts.

I managed to get through this morning without getting too worked up. The worst part is the few minutes in the doctor's room before the doctor comes in. Will and I both let out a huge sigh of relief  when she said, "Good news on the scan". Everything else is kind  of a blur. She used technical language that I really didn't understand. We need a ct results for dummies explanation. But, the spots on my liver are continuing to shrink. YAY!!! It sounds like the tumor in my colon is unchanged.

Today is chemo treatment 13. They only book you for 12. They need to apply to get an extension for me. Apparently this won't be a problem, just a little hoop to jump through. As the doctor said, what we are doing is working, so we are just going to keep going.

The exciting news is we get to plan a family trip to Hawaii! We started planning this last winter, before I was diagnosed, and after the diagnosis we decided we still wanted to go. We had been waiting for this ct scan just to make sure that the schedule was staying the same and that'd I'd be good to go. I've been daydreaming about it for months, but I can't wait to actually pick dates and start booking it.

I still can't believe how relieved I am right now. We still need to go back to the hospital in a little bit for chemo. It will probably be a long day because of the long weekend. We have some shows downloaded on the laptop though, so it will make the time go by faster.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and sent me positive thoughts. Thanks for all the messages of support. I love getting those.

Happy Tuesday!

Calm

My ct scan is in 5 hours and I am surprisingly calm. I was expecting to wake up today wanting to throw up due to nerves.

I'm not excited for it. There are a lot of other things I'd rather do with my day, but I am not scared.

I am really looking forward to getting the results and a little reassurance that things are still moving in the right direction.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Maybe if I write that I'm not nervous, my calmness will continue throughout the day. Nerves are by far the worst part of this procedure, so if I can avoid it, it won't be bad.

I should probably get going and start paying attention to the kids. Who, by the way, are failing the time change. This morning was our best so far; 4:45 and 5:30.

In addition to praying/thinking positive things for me, could you also please include Henry Kuntze in your thoughts. He's a baby boy a little younger than Liam who is going through a surgical procedure and could use all the extra love we can send to him.

Happy Tuesday