Life is pretty good right now. We have just finished a crazy busy fall of travelling. We had a good mix of family trips and time without the kids. We managed to incorporate some of Will's bike races and my appointments into them and were able to visit some good friends. We were so lucky to be able to go away as much as we did. It really helps get through the chemo days when there is something fun to look forward to. Each trip was fantastic, but I am happy to be home now.
Our family is really looking forward to winter and spending lots of time at Apex. Sophie has already started playing "pretend Apex". She puts on her pretend winter clothes and then goes skating and skiing around the house. She's a daredevil so I'm sure she is going to try and go fast on the downhill skis this year.
What we are most grateful now is that I am continuing to feel fantastic and the cancer is continuing to shrink. Because everything is going so well we are able to enjoy a normal life. We were just chatting about how amazed we were at the normalcy of our lives, given the circumstances. When I envisioned my life during chemo, it was much different. I thought I'd be bedridden and "sick". I don't know where I got that idea from, everyone I know who has or had cancer, continues to function and live well, so I don't know why I thought I wouldn't be able to. I guess I was just scared.
Obviously parts of it suck. I'm not going to lie and say that spending a day at oncology is fun. It's not. I wish I had hair. I wish my stomach wasn't covered in bruises from the daily injections. I wish I could make plans without having to consult the calendar to see if it's a chemo week.
But...I am grateful that Will is able to come to every single one of my appointments and take care of me and the kids when I'm not feeling well. I'm grateful that our families live close by and are so helpful and supportive. I'm grateful that we have an awesome doctor to take care of me and the most amazing nurses I have ever met. I'm grateful that I'm able to stay home and play with the kids everyday. I'm grateful for all the amazing people who have made our new life so much better.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have stuff to complain about (so does everyone), but life wouldn't be much fun if that's what I focused on. I need to continue to put all my energy into the positive things and not waste time being upset by the not so great parts.
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Exhale
Am I ever glad that appointment is over. As you know I had my ct scan a week ago. I could have made an appointment for last week to get the results, but I didn't. I really didn't want another appointment to go to. I thought that I would be nervous the morning of the appointment regardless of when it was. I was wrong. This was a really hard week for me to get through. Although I didn't feel "nervous" I was definitely grumpy and out of sorts.
I managed to get through this morning without getting too worked up. The worst part is the few minutes in the doctor's room before the doctor comes in. Will and I both let out a huge sigh of relief when she said, "Good news on the scan". Everything else is kind of a blur. She used technical language that I really didn't understand. We need a ct results for dummies explanation. But, the spots on my liver are continuing to shrink. YAY!!! It sounds like the tumor in my colon is unchanged.
Today is chemo treatment 13. They only book you for 12. They need to apply to get an extension for me. Apparently this won't be a problem, just a little hoop to jump through. As the doctor said, what we are doing is working, so we are just going to keep going.
The exciting news is we get to plan a family trip to Hawaii! We started planning this last winter, before I was diagnosed, and after the diagnosis we decided we still wanted to go. We had been waiting for this ct scan just to make sure that the schedule was staying the same and that'd I'd be good to go. I've been daydreaming about it for months, but I can't wait to actually pick dates and start booking it.
I still can't believe how relieved I am right now. We still need to go back to the hospital in a little bit for chemo. It will probably be a long day because of the long weekend. We have some shows downloaded on the laptop though, so it will make the time go by faster.
Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and sent me positive thoughts. Thanks for all the messages of support. I love getting those.
Happy Tuesday!
I managed to get through this morning without getting too worked up. The worst part is the few minutes in the doctor's room before the doctor comes in. Will and I both let out a huge sigh of relief when she said, "Good news on the scan". Everything else is kind of a blur. She used technical language that I really didn't understand. We need a ct results for dummies explanation. But, the spots on my liver are continuing to shrink. YAY!!! It sounds like the tumor in my colon is unchanged.
Today is chemo treatment 13. They only book you for 12. They need to apply to get an extension for me. Apparently this won't be a problem, just a little hoop to jump through. As the doctor said, what we are doing is working, so we are just going to keep going.
The exciting news is we get to plan a family trip to Hawaii! We started planning this last winter, before I was diagnosed, and after the diagnosis we decided we still wanted to go. We had been waiting for this ct scan just to make sure that the schedule was staying the same and that'd I'd be good to go. I've been daydreaming about it for months, but I can't wait to actually pick dates and start booking it.
I still can't believe how relieved I am right now. We still need to go back to the hospital in a little bit for chemo. It will probably be a long day because of the long weekend. We have some shows downloaded on the laptop though, so it will make the time go by faster.
Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and sent me positive thoughts. Thanks for all the messages of support. I love getting those.
Happy Tuesday!
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
Calm
My ct scan is in 5 hours and I am surprisingly calm. I was expecting to wake up today wanting to throw up due to nerves.
I'm not excited for it. There are a lot of other things I'd rather do with my day, but I am not scared.
I am really looking forward to getting the results and a little reassurance that things are still moving in the right direction.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Maybe if I write that I'm not nervous, my calmness will continue throughout the day. Nerves are by far the worst part of this procedure, so if I can avoid it, it won't be bad.
I should probably get going and start paying attention to the kids. Who, by the way, are failing the time change. This morning was our best so far; 4:45 and 5:30.
In addition to praying/thinking positive things for me, could you also please include Henry Kuntze in your thoughts. He's a baby boy a little younger than Liam who is going through a surgical procedure and could use all the extra love we can send to him.
Happy Tuesday
I'm not excited for it. There are a lot of other things I'd rather do with my day, but I am not scared.
I am really looking forward to getting the results and a little reassurance that things are still moving in the right direction.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Maybe if I write that I'm not nervous, my calmness will continue throughout the day. Nerves are by far the worst part of this procedure, so if I can avoid it, it won't be bad.
I should probably get going and start paying attention to the kids. Who, by the way, are failing the time change. This morning was our best so far; 4:45 and 5:30.
In addition to praying/thinking positive things for me, could you also please include Henry Kuntze in your thoughts. He's a baby boy a little younger than Liam who is going through a surgical procedure and could use all the extra love we can send to him.
Happy Tuesday
Friday, 2 November 2012
Life
This week we finished up chemo #12! I can't believe it's been that many already. All of the people we used to see at oncology are no longer there. I'm not sure if they've switched days, or if their treatment is over or if they are taking a break. In any case, we're still there.
Sometimes it's a bit depressing to think that there is no end in sight yet. But if I look on the other side, every day the cancer is getting smaller and I am getting healthier. When I think about it like that, it's not so bad. Next week I will have another ct scan. I'm assuming the results will show more improvements. I'm not nervous about it yet, but I'm guessing when the appointment gets closer, I will be.
It's still surreal to look in the mirror and see my bald head and know that I have cancer. I don't feel sick at all. I probably have more energy now than I have since Sophie was born. (Combination of kids sleeping better, eating better and taking more time for myself). I am obviously very thankful that I feel so well, but it is still weird. How can I feel so great on Sunday and then have to go to chemo the next day? It's so hard to wrap my head around. It's also very strange that this is all so "normal" now. I will be making plans and then I hear myself say, "oh I have chemo that day" or "I can't sorry, ct scan", as if these were as ordinary as hair cuts and tire changes.
Although very strange, I am so glad that life is so normal now.
We had a great Halloween. Sophie loved the trick or treating. Liam was pretty confused at first, but quickly caught on. We have a pretty low-key weekend planned, which will be a nice change for us.
I hope everyone has a great weekend. Please think of me on Tuesday and send me as many "cancer shrinking" vibes as you can.
I just re-read this, and the writing is terrible. Sorry about all the grammar mistakes, but I don't have time to go back and fix it now.
Friday, 26 October 2012
Impressions
I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a wig. I haven't quite decided on it, but I think I will get one. At the beginning, I was positive that I would not wear a wig. I'm not big on hair to begin with, mine was always in a ponytail. I also thought (and maybe I am right) that they would be itchy or uncomfortable. I just didn't see the point in them, but I am coming around to the idea.
It's a very strange feeling knowing that everyone around you, even total strangers know you have cancer. I don't feel sick, and I am used to having no hair, so quite often I forget about my situation. We just got home from a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. At the waterpark, I was having a blast playing with the kids and I felt like every other mom there chasing after the little ones. Then I started wondering what everyone thought when they saw me. They would have noticed obviously that I was bald, and I would assume that they jumped to cancer. Did they feel pity for me? Were they impressed that I seemed active and normal? Did they think I was finished chemo and just waiting for the hair to grow back? Maybe they were so busy with their own lives that they never even thought about it.
I didn't realize that this was bothering me. I haven't had people stare or bring it up, so it didn't really seem an issue. (Total aside- two adults actually have asked me about it. One lady said, "what cause did you shave your head for? Is it a fundraiser?" I responded with the truth, "Cancer, I'm going through chemotherapy" Another man asked, "So is your head a fashion statement or....?" I replied with, "Ya, the second"). It wasn't until recently when it was raining and cold and I was wearing a tuque, along with everyone else, that I realized how nice it felt to fit in. When I was talking to another mom at the playground, she would have had no reason to give me a second thought. I really enjoyed not thinking about what other people were thinking.
If and when I do get a wig, I don't think I will wear it on a daily basis. If I am with friends and family, it would just seem silly. I do think, however, that it would be fun to wear to the grocery store or out for dinner or running errands. I finally feel happy with my body again, I don't feel stick thin and my clothes fit, so I think with a wig I would feel that I looked "normal". There's a picture of me from just before my hair came out. I was so skinny and my face looked gaunt. Even though I had hair, I looked sick. That wouldn't be the case now.
Anyways, enough of that. As I said, we were just away for a few days and we had a really good time. Will and I are exhausted though. Travelling with kids is not a vacation:) I feel good mentally and physically right now. Back to chemo for #12 on Monday. Happy weekend everyone!
It's a very strange feeling knowing that everyone around you, even total strangers know you have cancer. I don't feel sick, and I am used to having no hair, so quite often I forget about my situation. We just got home from a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. At the waterpark, I was having a blast playing with the kids and I felt like every other mom there chasing after the little ones. Then I started wondering what everyone thought when they saw me. They would have noticed obviously that I was bald, and I would assume that they jumped to cancer. Did they feel pity for me? Were they impressed that I seemed active and normal? Did they think I was finished chemo and just waiting for the hair to grow back? Maybe they were so busy with their own lives that they never even thought about it.
I didn't realize that this was bothering me. I haven't had people stare or bring it up, so it didn't really seem an issue. (Total aside- two adults actually have asked me about it. One lady said, "what cause did you shave your head for? Is it a fundraiser?" I responded with the truth, "Cancer, I'm going through chemotherapy" Another man asked, "So is your head a fashion statement or....?" I replied with, "Ya, the second"). It wasn't until recently when it was raining and cold and I was wearing a tuque, along with everyone else, that I realized how nice it felt to fit in. When I was talking to another mom at the playground, she would have had no reason to give me a second thought. I really enjoyed not thinking about what other people were thinking.
If and when I do get a wig, I don't think I will wear it on a daily basis. If I am with friends and family, it would just seem silly. I do think, however, that it would be fun to wear to the grocery store or out for dinner or running errands. I finally feel happy with my body again, I don't feel stick thin and my clothes fit, so I think with a wig I would feel that I looked "normal". There's a picture of me from just before my hair came out. I was so skinny and my face looked gaunt. Even though I had hair, I looked sick. That wouldn't be the case now.
Anyways, enough of that. As I said, we were just away for a few days and we had a really good time. Will and I are exhausted though. Travelling with kids is not a vacation:) I feel good mentally and physically right now. Back to chemo for #12 on Monday. Happy weekend everyone!
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
Ups and Downs
Before I start, I just want to say that I'm not trying to complain. I know not every single day can be fun and that there has to be some down days. Everyone has days when they're not 100%, I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself right now.
Let's start with the fun stuff though! On Sunday we went to Kelowna to watch Will do a cyclo cross race. For the non-cyclists, cyclo cross is really fun to watch. The races are less than an hour, and the riders have to ride through some pretty weird stuff and normally jump off their bikes and carry them through some barriers. Anyways, my dad came with us (thank you!) and the kids had their bikes so we pretty much chased them around. It was lots of fun. Afterwards, we drove to Wild Play, it's an outdoor adventure park with ziplines and other adrenaline type things. We had a pass to do the primal swing (Thanks Susie and Dean!). I was imagining a really high swing. I though we'd climb up a ladder or something. I didn't realize we would be 250 ft about ground!! It was sooo scary. I screamed the entire time. Once I was safely back on ground I was pretty happy and glad I did it. I'm not sure if Will had more fun swinging or watching me. It was a great day all around.
Now for the less fun stuff. Chemo was Monday. Bloodwork, doctor appointment went fine. We had a bit of time before heading back to the hospital so I stopped in to see my sister and got a fabulous pedicure. Definitely the highlight of my day. For whatever reason, the chemo made me a bit more nauseous than usual. Part way through they convinced me to get another shot of something. It did help. Later that night though I really didn't feel very well. Yesterday was another down day. I slept for a few hours in the morning and I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I was really hoping that I would feel better today. The kids really wanted to go for a bike ride so we got them ready and I was planning on going as well, but by the time everyone was dressed I was tuckered out. So I'm sitting on the couch, while my family is out having fun. I hate having to miss out on things like this:(
I know this was just a rough cycle. I have to keep in mind that this isn't as bad as I imagined chemo would be. I know I will feel better tomorrow and probably the next one won't be so bad. It just really really sucks sometimes. On the bright side, it's days like this that make me appreciate all my other great days that much more.
Well that feels a little better. Always nice to vent! Hope everyone is having a good day.
Let's start with the fun stuff though! On Sunday we went to Kelowna to watch Will do a cyclo cross race. For the non-cyclists, cyclo cross is really fun to watch. The races are less than an hour, and the riders have to ride through some pretty weird stuff and normally jump off their bikes and carry them through some barriers. Anyways, my dad came with us (thank you!) and the kids had their bikes so we pretty much chased them around. It was lots of fun. Afterwards, we drove to Wild Play, it's an outdoor adventure park with ziplines and other adrenaline type things. We had a pass to do the primal swing (Thanks Susie and Dean!). I was imagining a really high swing. I though we'd climb up a ladder or something. I didn't realize we would be 250 ft about ground!! It was sooo scary. I screamed the entire time. Once I was safely back on ground I was pretty happy and glad I did it. I'm not sure if Will had more fun swinging or watching me. It was a great day all around.
Now for the less fun stuff. Chemo was Monday. Bloodwork, doctor appointment went fine. We had a bit of time before heading back to the hospital so I stopped in to see my sister and got a fabulous pedicure. Definitely the highlight of my day. For whatever reason, the chemo made me a bit more nauseous than usual. Part way through they convinced me to get another shot of something. It did help. Later that night though I really didn't feel very well. Yesterday was another down day. I slept for a few hours in the morning and I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I was really hoping that I would feel better today. The kids really wanted to go for a bike ride so we got them ready and I was planning on going as well, but by the time everyone was dressed I was tuckered out. So I'm sitting on the couch, while my family is out having fun. I hate having to miss out on things like this:(
I know this was just a rough cycle. I have to keep in mind that this isn't as bad as I imagined chemo would be. I know I will feel better tomorrow and probably the next one won't be so bad. It just really really sucks sometimes. On the bright side, it's days like this that make me appreciate all my other great days that much more.
Well that feels a little better. Always nice to vent! Hope everyone is having a good day.
Friday, 12 October 2012
It's been awhile
Hello again. I apologize for not updating this in so long. A few people got in touch asking if everything was okay, and yes, I am fine. We were away for a week and then I think I just got out of the habit. So anyways, here is a quick update...
We spent six days in Nova Scotia with my parents and no kids. We had a fantastic trip. The weather was gorgeous and we all had a really nice time away. We spent a day in Halifax, a few days in Lunenburg, and one day in the Annapolis Valley before heading back to Halifax. I thought I was going to miss the kids way more than I did. They had a great time with Nama and Pa and didn't seem to be too affected by us being home.
We came home on a Sunday afternoon and the next morning was a chemo day. It's always hard to come back to real life after vacation, but I must say that getting home and heading straight to oncology was really not a lot of fun. The treatment went well though. We didn't see a doctor so I don't have any new info, but I recovered really quickly from it. The Tuesday is normally my worst day, but I was able to spend the morning with Sophie's preschool and volunteer for her field trip...although the teachers were awesome and on the walk back one teacher piggy backed a whiny and tired Sophie so I didn't have to carry her.
We had a nice Thanksgiving dinner with our family. I'm only a little bit jealous that some of them are in Hawaii right now:) Liam got a bike which he is loving. It is so much fun to take both kids out for a bike ride. Sophie is being a great big sister and rides ahead for a bit and then loops back to find Liam.
I am still feeling really well and am continuing to put on weight. We went for a road ride this week. It was my first time out since getting diagnosed. The day before we found out, Will gave me some really pretty purple bike shoes, so I was really happy to be able to wear them before the season was over.
I really really really appreciate all of you that think of me and pray for me and send me positive thoughts. I will make sure to update this more often. Hope everyone is doing well.
We spent six days in Nova Scotia with my parents and no kids. We had a fantastic trip. The weather was gorgeous and we all had a really nice time away. We spent a day in Halifax, a few days in Lunenburg, and one day in the Annapolis Valley before heading back to Halifax. I thought I was going to miss the kids way more than I did. They had a great time with Nama and Pa and didn't seem to be too affected by us being home.
We came home on a Sunday afternoon and the next morning was a chemo day. It's always hard to come back to real life after vacation, but I must say that getting home and heading straight to oncology was really not a lot of fun. The treatment went well though. We didn't see a doctor so I don't have any new info, but I recovered really quickly from it. The Tuesday is normally my worst day, but I was able to spend the morning with Sophie's preschool and volunteer for her field trip...although the teachers were awesome and on the walk back one teacher piggy backed a whiny and tired Sophie so I didn't have to carry her.
We had a nice Thanksgiving dinner with our family. I'm only a little bit jealous that some of them are in Hawaii right now:) Liam got a bike which he is loving. It is so much fun to take both kids out for a bike ride. Sophie is being a great big sister and rides ahead for a bit and then loops back to find Liam.
I am still feeling really well and am continuing to put on weight. We went for a road ride this week. It was my first time out since getting diagnosed. The day before we found out, Will gave me some really pretty purple bike shoes, so I was really happy to be able to wear them before the season was over.
I really really really appreciate all of you that think of me and pray for me and send me positive thoughts. I will make sure to update this more often. Hope everyone is doing well.
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